Sunday, February 28, 2010

Whats Next?

You would think that by now its time that they would know what’s going on with me and be able to fix it or find something to make me not in pain other than having to take medicine every day and night. Well guess what nope the doctors haven’t and gets really annoying. How do you think you would feel if it seems every other day you were sick or if you had to remember to take several different medicine’s all that time and still not knowing what is wrong or if you are ever going to be able to as I say feel normal again.

I feel like I can’t just go out and have fun with not feeling at least a little sick. Yeah I don’t feel like miserable all the time but that is thanks to the several medicine’s I take however I think everyday I feel at least a little as I say under the weather. I feel like it’s so repetitive the same old thing saying the same thing all the time and still no answers. I’m sick of being sick and feeling like crap, I’m sick of not knowing when I’m just going to hit with a sharp knife stabbing pain.

Lucky for me its almost time for another surgery as I said earlier in my posts I have to get one every three to six months and its time for another endoscopy I’m hoping that maybe they will find something this time that will give them more information because I’m just ready to stop taking all these medicines. I’m ready to just be able to feel better all I really want is just a week where I can just go without taking medicine and without feeling sick at all but I know that I cant because if I go a day without medicine I’m tired and feel even worse. I’m just ready to be normal again as I say but I guess I can say I have plenty of time to give and that’s more than some others can say.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Still Going

My last two blogs I told you how I deal it with everyday and how I got the news and what the news was. Well now as I say I’m back in at round three and what I mean by that is I’m back in the hospital and surgery and news yet again.

You probably think that I all I do is go back and fourth from the hospital well your not the only one I feel like that is my second home and sometimes I feel like I spend more time there than I have at my house, it gets really annoying after awhile, and I know it got annoying for my family and friends but I know deep down they cared about me and would do whatever and come whenever no matter how annoying and boring it got. Anyways after I got the news back in 2008 I was doing ok for a while just remembering to take my medicine and trying to move on thinking maybe this medicine was helping and I was finally getting better well I think I got my hope up to much.

In early 2009 I was back for the third time in the hospital. I went through the same tests and same surgeries I was finally thinking I was becoming a pro at this whole surgery thing considering it was the same exact surgery each time just removing polyps my insides, however it did suck but after this third time the doctors came in again and told me the polyps were still malignant and they had to keep an eye on me. I stayed in the hospital for a week and half and went home with the same medicine and was told to come back in two weeks to start a new round of medicine.

Monday, February 1, 2010


I wanted to take a break with telling you how the hospital visits go and with what all the doctors say. I want to tell you how I deal with it on an every day basis. Well it’s hard as I’m sure you can imagine. Sometimes I think it will get easier but I’m still waiting for that day to come, it hasn’t gotten any worse but definitely not any better.It’s like an everyday ritual I have to do. I get up in the morning and take my medicine and at night take my medicine and go to bed it sucks trying to always remember to take it but I have my family that is always on me about taking which yes sucks but in the end I have to look past that and know they are only doing it for the best of me.

I have my good days and bad days however back in October I had more bad days than good. It comes and goes like that and sometimes I think it’s never going to stop but I know sooner than later it will. Dealing with it everyday is the hardest especially when I first get up I know if it’s going to be good day or not. Some days I wake up feeling like I didn’t even sleep I’m so exhausted others, I wake up feeling like I am full of energy it just depends. It’s hard to tell how I’m going to feel through out the day. Everyday I think to myself I’m going to get better I’m not going to be sick anymore and I know if I just keep saying it, it will happen. Like I said I go through the ups and downs of feeling very tired and wore out because of my medicine and then I could feel ten times better the next day I think people that know me can tell when I’m having the good days and bad because when I have a good day I’m always smiling and laughing but bad days I just look like I could cry at any minute. I know there is more I could tell you about how it affects me everyday but I will save that for later.